Sunday, October 16, 2016

You.

When I first met you, my first impression about you are you look handsome, I really like your nose. I would look at you from afar shyly, never expecting that we would be friends somehow, best friends. I was so curious about you, everything about you but I could just ask slowly because you don't talk about yourself much. Which make me feel annoyed since I can't figure you out, thinking maybe you are not comfortable with me. So I started rambling things at you, ask you many things and treat you with care, and you always look at me annoyed. I actually like it when you stare at me like that, I somehow think that we're closer that way. I didn't notice I was falling in love deeply in silent. I was pretty sure that you won't look at me the same way.

Years passed and we all are parting different ways. I was in a relationship with someone else but I just couldn't forget you. I always have the urge to see you, to hang out with you. Every time I see you, made my heart pumping so fast, I don't understand why because it's been months since we meet and we never texted, or even active in social media. And it does make me feel bad because I am with someone else but I don't feel that way to them, it's wrong. It's always an adrenaline rush meeting with you, even just for a few hours, it made me really happy. I feel like I'm faking it whenever I'm not with you. You seems to know me better than the person I am with, I am glad that I don't need to pretend when I am with you.

That night, when you pick me up at my house, it was the most embarrassed and volcanic moment. Sitting in the car next to you with my heart going to explode, with my red hot face, I'm glad that it's night time and you can't see me clearly. And that RM10 ruined the moment, I suppose. :) From that incident, I realized I was more than in love you. We started texting, and you managed to ease my mind from all my problems, I appreciate that, thank you. Until one day, you told me everything, everything that I wished for deep inside me. I don't even need to think much, I just go for you, I can't hide my happiness. Being next to you was the greatest time of my life, we had times that are annoying, childish, romantic, happy, cloudy, moody, adventurous, exciting and many more. I wish take I could stop time to stay in that moment.

Time passes, responsibilities, pressures, parents, everything else all thrown at us at the same time, The truth is we're both not ready for it. We tried our best to be strong and achieve our goals for months, our relationship was affected by it, we doesn't communicate much, we don't have much time to spend together. Until one day you told me that you can't do it anymore, and the feeling has gone since the past 6 months. What do you expect I would say, it was the worst thing that ever happened in my entire life. I couldn't describe the pain, only God knows what I was thinking that time. Despite everything I am going through, I wish you can found yourself again, achieve your goals, fulfill your dreams and be happy. How I wish there are still a tiny me in you, that's just absurd, i guess.

I guess that no matter how much faith you put in that someone, it is just not enough, it will never be enough. Loving someone without being loved back is hard, I never knew that even relationship that are so strong can end with just words. But still, I don't think that I could stop loving someone easily, always faithful.

Proverbs 3:3-4: “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man."

Friday, July 25, 2014

Mind over matter.

Turns 23 with a new love, new story, new chapter of life. I think I am becoming more quiet than ever, the people around me makes  me feel so small. I admit I always over-thinking everything that are coming, that eerie whisper comes from nowhere. 


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Some people


People come and go. Some give us a good memories and some give us bad memories, but those memories made me who I am today. 
I hope you never come back again after all this time you have neglected me. I forgive you but its hard for me to be with you when you start to open your mouth. :) It seems like you have swallowed honesty and lost it forever. 
Why oh why, I wanted to work but mum doesn't let me. She asked me to help her do things in the house, I really want to help her but I don't want other people think that I'm lazy to work or spoiled. I guess I have to make my own decision soon enough. :3

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Learning..



Recently, I found my old friend's fb. I really miss them so much even though I don't have much 'moments' with them. They reminded me of my childhood where I don't have many heartaches, hard times, or things that make my life miserable. When I'm still in primary school, I was very quiet, I don't really talk much because I don't know what to say to other people, which makes me always thinking. My mind never stops thinking about many  nonsense things, before I talk to someone I used to imagine what might happen if I ask this or that and what will the person reply me or something else came up in the middle of our conversation. And that made me what I am today, full of imaginations.

I wish I could go back to the time when I don't have much worries, being free from any problems. But I would never learn anything if I escape from it. I got interview for the MCITP program this Friday, need to be confident in front of the interviewer once again. I don't really like to fake my confidence when I actually don't have much confidence in myself. I'm trying my best to be confident again, there's a lot of things I still need to learn. People come and go in your life and everything happens for reason so I have to learn how to 'let go'. 

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

:)


Look! It's the path you've chosen. Good luck my friend, I've chosen other path. I know that you will not turn back and find me. But if you remembered the memories we create together, realised what you've done, and found out that you missed me, I will always accept you to be one of the important person in my life again. I don't love you like I did yesterday . xoxo